The BitterSweet Taste of Blood

I feel your teeth tear my flesh.

My warm blood runs down my neck.

I have lost all control of my body.

The images of a past I have never lived runs through my mind.

Your past

Your life

Your body

Is what I beg for.

I feel your warm breath upon my skin.

Your cold hands caress my entire body.

I try to scream buy no sound emerges.

The pain that you bring upon me becomes my pleasure.

Your touch

Your bite

Your blood

Is what I demand.

I feel you pulsating inside my body.

My warm veins suddenly become cold.

I begin to feel my past life slip away from me.

The feeling starts to frighten me but you hold on tight.

Your embrace

Your kiss

Your love

Is what I ask for.

I feel death taking over my body.

Your blood is now a part of me.

I invision a new life by your side.

The dream of you I had when I was a child is now a reality.

My life

My future

My fantasy

Is what you gave me.

I feel the need to feed arising within me.

My body starts to shake.

I ask you teach me the night life.

The life of a vampire, because that is what I now am.

Cold Metal, Dark Nights

I see you there staring back at me

Waiting so very patiently

Waiting for that moment

I let my sadness vent

Why do I hold on to all this pain

I swore I would never do this again

Some do not understand this cutting of the flesh

But for me it is a very important test

A test sometimes I can not pass

Which is why the blood drips so very fast

Some get so very mad

But do they think that stops me from being sad

My sadness runs far and deep

Your friendship I will always keep

For the sharp edges that I feel

Is the only feeling I know is real

Until that Day

I looked up to you

You were my hero

I wanted to be just like you

Until that day

I remembered what happened

Until that day

I had forgotten

I was your blood

You were strong

I was your innocent daughter

Until that day

My innocence was taken

Until that day

My pain was awaken

I was your little girl

You did nothing

I had no one to turn to

Until that day

You could do no wrong

Until that day

I had to be strong

I was scared

You were not there

I did not know what to do

Until that day

I grabbed that blade

Until that day

The light started to fade

I was no longer happy

You were too blind to see

I became full of sadness and hate

Until that day

I heard his praise

Until that day

My spirits were raised

I was beginning to heal

You would not listen

I turned to someone new

Until that day

I did not need you

Until that day

I still wanted to be close to you

I was just a little girl

You were my hero

I came to you

My Prayer

I go through each day hoping it will be my last,

But everyday I remember a little more about my past.

The stuff that was forced upon me, I wish upon no one.

I guess it's easy to prey upon the young.

Loving me was too big of a chore,

But them, I would gladly give my life for.

This hell they call earth is nothing more then passing time.

My reason for living is no where to find.

Each day I look deep inside my soul,

But it's hard to look past a heart so cold.

Why do I let this pain eat me away inside?

I want to share it with them, but all I do is hide.

Some days you are the last person I want to talk to,

And other days, I only want you.

The fear of pushing you away again haunts me,

But my fears, I believe, remain unseen.

Every night I say these words to you,

And every night I shed a tear or two.

So as I lay me down to sleep,

I pray to you Lord, hear my words true and deep.

If I die before I wake,

I pray my pain and suffering you will take.

Amen!

My Friend

You were my only friend on those cold dark days.

The days that felt like years, the days that aged my mind and spirit.

My spirit was so lost in a deep dark sea of depression.

The word depression is thrown around too lightly these days.

These days are not like those days of the past.

The past can never be forgotten nor do I want to forget.

Forgetting is too hard when I can look down everyday and see the scars.

The scars run deeper then the flesh wounds on this body of mine.

This body of mine has been a canvas for pain for many years.

Many years have passed but it still feels like yesterday when the hurt began.

The hurt began when I was very young, so young that over time I became numb.

Numb to the hurtful words and the longing to be loved.

To be loved is all I ever really wanted, to receive as much as I gave.

I gave so much of myself to everyone that I forgot who I was.

Who I was is not who I am today, but that little girl still remains.

Remains deep down inside my soul to make sure I never forget.

I cannot forget my only friend with the cold steel and sharp edges.

The sharp edges that would cut deep into my flesh.

My flesh stained with blood, the warm blood that would run down my body.

My body could feel the pain which my heart could no longer feel.

The feel of the razorblade, my only true friend.

Walls plus Scars equals an Angel

O God, I pray to you, help me see within myself.

These walls you see protect me, for that is what I believe.

These walls you see, I have been building since I was very young.

Since the day he left me behind, behind these walls of mine.

O God, I pray to you, help me push down these walls.

These walls you see hurt me, for that is what I believe.

These walls you see, I have been hiding behind since I was very young.

Since the day I had to say goodbye, goodbye to the man I loved.

O God, I pray to you, help me remember who I am.

These walls you see forget me, for that is what I believe.

These walls you see, I have been peeking through since I was very young.

Since the day he was nevermore, nevermore my life has become.

O God, I pray to you, erase these scars you see.

These scars you see shield me, for that is what I believe.

These scars you see, I have been making since I was very young.

Since the day I felt I couldn't move on, moving on with life was too hard.

O God, I pray to you, help me think about a happier time.

These scars you see remind me, for that is what I believe.

These scars you see, I have been seeing since I was very young.

Since the day I discovered the pain, the pain a knife can bring.

O God, I pray to you, help me put down this knife.

These scars you see mean nothing, for that is what I believe.

These scars you see, I have been feeling since I was very young.

Since the day you went away, far away from me.

O God, I pray to you, help me see his face once more.

His face you see never left, for that is what I believe.

His face you see, I have been remembering since I was very young.

Since the day his body died, died away but his spirit remains.

O God, I pray to you, thank you for that Angel, the one I called..... Grandpa!

I ask you...

Ring phone!

For I need to hear his voice.

The phone just sits there quietly, not making a sound.

Why I ask you, why do you not ring?

I sit here quietly waiting, hoping, praying.

Please ring, oh beautiful phone.

For I need to hear his voice.

Its been hours since I heard his voice.

Please, oh, please ring and let me hear the most beautiful voice.

Why I ask you, why do you not call?

I can still feel your touch on my skin.

Your scent still in the air.

Please speak, speak to me.

For I need to hear your voice.

Finally the sweet sound of the telephone breaks the silence.

But his voice I do not hear.

Why I ask you, why do you not speak?

I lay down and close my eyes so I can see your sweet face.

Please, oh, please speak to me.

For I need to hear your voice.

What is that I hear?

For its the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

Saying the hardest thing I have ever had to hear.

"Goodbye my love. I will be with you always."

Why I ask you, why do you not stay?

Stay my love, please stay.

For I need to feel your hand in mine.

I need to feel your breath against my skin.

I need to hear you say you're mine.

I open my eyes and realize my biggest fear is now reality.

You're no longer here!

Why I ask you, why did you die?

Mirror

Who is this I see in the mirror?

Does she hold the answers to the questions that I fear?

I ask her to share the knowledge that she holds,

But the truth, I can not be told.

The questions that I have for her, you see,

Only have answers that are found within me.

The hardest thing to do is to look within one's self.

I, for one, have never been able to trust what I have felt.

For some reason others are able to read me like a book.

They can see what is behind these hazel eyes with just one look.

I am asked, "why do you hold on to all this pain?"

In return I say, "without it, true happiness I can not gain."

I believe I am ready for the answers that I seek,

But the lady in the mirror simply turns the other cheek.

"My dear child", the lady in the mirror says to me,

"Look at me and tell me what is it you see?"

"What I see is something I can not believe,

For what I see is ME."

I ask the lady in the mirror, "why has it taken me so long to see myself?"

"Because", she answers, "it has taken you this long to understand the pain you have felt."

Since that day I have tried to live my life without fear.

Some days when I start to feel that pain, I simply look within the mirror.

Joy

With wings the color of pearls

I feel the loving breeze when you are in flight.

With the sweet scent of cinnamon

I know I have your protection.

With a voice so soft

I hear the messages you have to tell.

With a light so bright

I see love in its purest form.

With all I have

I know this much is true.

With a world full of hate

I have an angel.

With a name so sweet

I call out for you.

My guardian angel.

My Aunt Joy!